The “I” of the beholder

The older I get the more I realize how much we make up life as we go. What we thought would be, isn’t. Who we thought “knew”, doesn’t. It’s been even more difficult trying to understand life being previously religious. I am ultimately responsible for a lot of the questions that religious institutions answered for me.

Now, I personally don't see an over arching authority except perhaps the laws of the universe and our instinctual blue prints. The question is do we adhere to the themes of society or go our own way? I could become nihilistic here and say it is all for naught so, just do as one pleases. I have more hope than to be simply nihilistic, and why is hope even a thing? I guess I could reduce most things to a biological necessity for the preservation of our species. Does it go beyond that though? Are we a part of anything outside of the mechanics of our survival? Does the evolution of our conscious mind change everything?

I am baffled by the awareness of "I”. Our species has this ability generally, but I wonder if other species do to an extent that we just don't understand yet, which would bring up our responsibility to other animals. And is self awareness the only criteria for the responsibility we have to others? I don't think so.

I want to understand consciousness, hope, transcendence. There are mysteries to life that we simply have to run toward, play with and unravel. And there are questions that maybe can’t be answered, but my hope for myself is to always wonder and explore those mysteries.